Reno--Elena. Perfect couple? *hack*
by Phoenix in Flames
Summary: 4th chapter up! Insanity galore
1. It Begins

Once apon a time, there were two muses standing.  
  
The first muse said: Hmmmmmmm time to make a story  
  
The other said: What will the plot be?  
  
The first said: You don't need a plot.  
  
Thus, Fanfiction was born.  
  
  
  
  
  
The above thingamajig is when there is a author's note  
  
  
  
Sephiroth. The name sparked fear in everyone, anywhere. Except..  
  
Reno stared at Elena with a dreamy expression on his face.  
  
"She is so cute, ya know!!!!" he exclaimed to no one in particular.  
  
"Stop ogling at her and keep scrubbin' the dishes!" a frustrated voice exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, shut up Cid. Here, have a lollipop, ya know!"  
  
"F*** you! Why do you do that when you know that I'm addicted to shrff slurp slurp"  
  
"Heh Heh" With that, Reno went back to gawking.  
  
Cloud Strife idly twirled his sword in the air.  
  
"What's taking them so long?" he asked.  
  
"Patience was never one of your virtues," a low voice drawled.  
  
"Shut Up, Barret."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cuz I said so."  
  
"Do I give a damn about what you said?  
  
"come on, let's mosey!" Cloud exclaimed  
  
"You know how much I hate you saying that." wait, was that Cid?  
  
As Cloud and Barret strode away, a strange arose from his shelter. He had silver hair, with two large bangs on his forehead. In his hand was. A TWO- METER LONG BANANA!?!?!?!??!  
  
Sephiroth: WHAT!? Where's the Masamune!?  
  
Cloud: Heh heh. The banana fits you.  
  
Author: The banana is just as deadly as the Masamune, ya know?  
  
Reno: hey, that's my line, ya know!  
  
Rajin: NO, its mine, ya know!  
  
(Rajin and Reno start whacking each other)  
  
  
  
Holding the banana tightly, Sephiroth stared after Cloud and Barret intently. As he was walking, he had his hand so tightly clamped around the banana, that it exploded into gooey chunks.  
  
"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sephiroth screamed!  
  
"Don't worry, it'll be okay," a young flower girl said, coming straight out of the blue because the lazy author doesn't wanna introduce Aeris.  
  
  
  
Cid: IT'S AERITH, DAMMIT!  
  
Author: don't have a cow, Cid. This is the U.S.  
  
Aeris: (in a high-pitched voice(think alice)): I like Aeris more than Aerith!  
  
  
  
As Sephiroth was crying his eyes out, Reno was having a lot of. well.  
  
"Hey Elena, wanna go out with me?"  
  
"No"  
  
"please?"  
  
"no!"  
  
"PLEASE!!?!?"  
  
"SHUT UP, DAMMIT!"  
  
"*sniff*"  
  
Reno walked away sadly. Aproximately 0.000000000001 nanoseconds later, he discovered another pick up line.  
  
"Hey Elena, look up stude for me."  
  
"Why!?"  
  
"just Because."  
  
Elena opens a dictionary and sees Reno's pic pasted by the def. of "stud".  
  
Blink blink  
  
Blinkety Blinkety Blink  
  
"Gggrrrrrrrrr......"  
  
SMACK!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cid watched from the kitchen.  
  
"Ouch, that's gotta hurt."  
  
When Reno cam to, Cid was serving food, much to the dismay of, well, everybody.  
  
Accidentally dropping his lollipop and cig on a pile of roast chicken, Cid bumped into Reno and fell down, much to the relief of everyone.  
  
"RENO, YOU *beep*ing BASTARD!!!!" Cid exclaimed, stuffing the lollipop and cig into his mouth and trying the eat it at the same time.  
  
  
  
Cloud: Cid, how would you do that?  
  
Cid: Don't ask me, ask the deranged author!!!  
  
Tifa: AUTHOR!!! GET ME IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!  
  
Author: heh heh..  
  
Tifa:!?  
  
Author: I will...  
  
Tifa: what are you plotting!?"  
  
Author:......  
  
As Cid was struggling futilely with the cig and lollipop, a nice brown- haired young girl walked in. You could tell she had been using breast enhancement.  
  
  
  
Tifa: (goes red, Anime style)  
  
Author (sweatdrop)  
  
Tifa: WHAT THE ****!!!!  
  
Anyways, as Tifa walked in, all eyes turned on her, or specifically, her ches-  
  
Tifa: PERVERT!  
  
Ahem. Everyone (exept Reno) was staring at her. "What?" She questioned. "Ahhhhhhh.." Cid said, his cig (and lollipop) falling outta his mouth. "Pervs. Hmph." With that, she walked out through the door. Everyone followed her, with the exception of Reno and Elena.  
  
Lets all pretend the crossed out sections did not happen.  
  
SO, as Cid was trying to suck a lollipop and smoke a cig, Reno was (again) futilely trying to get Elena to notice him, when a pretty flower girl and a silver-haired man walked in, the man in tears.  
  
"MY BANANANANANANANANANNANAANNAANANANNAANA!!!!!!" he cried, attracting stares from everyone except cid, who was..u know what.  
  
Elena stared at "Sephie" for a sec, then joined the thong of women creating sephie's fan club in .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000005 seconds.  
  
"noooooo..." Reno moaned in horror...  
  
END OF CHAP 1 


	2. Kuja! briefly

So, as Reno was crying and crying and crying, Cloud and Barret are having some fun.  
  
"doncha think that zis place iz awezome?" Barret slurred.  
  
"Barret, you're too drunk."  
  
"LoOk At tHoSe ToPlEss DaNcErS!"  
  
"............"  
  
Cloud stared at the dancers for approximately 5 seconds, then decided to go look for the rest of the FF7 gang, leaving Barret to his own devices. He found them, but...  
  
Vincent is in his coffin, Yuffie is waving the Lion Heart (FF8) around, Tifa is jumping around (has anyone seen Nutty Professer 2?), Red XII is dying his fur green and muttering "hohohoho now ill give bugenhagan nightmares!!!! AHAHAAHAAH!", and Aeris is standing there with cait Sith's megahorn shouting for everyone to "shut their sorry arses up." Reeve is just standing there dumbly with a giant broccoli in his hand.  
  
"eERR..what the hell happened?" Cloud asked nervously.  
  
"puff puff" from the coffin  
  
"DIE CLOUD!!!!" yuffie exclaimed, trying to decapicate Cloud but held back by..nothing.  
  
Then, Cloud's head gets chopped off!!!!! AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Not.  
  
Yuffie screams in horror as Cloud neatly disarms her and sends the lionheart flying into Aeris, fortunately only piercing her hand.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Aeris, deafening all present in the room.  
  
Red XIII crawles over to Cloud and says, "Do you like my fur?"  
  
"No."  
  
"really?"  
  
"Yup"  
  
"You suck. In 500 years, when I procreate my two children, I WILL KILL YOU!!! Even thought you WILL be dead. Dammit."  
  
Cloud walked over to Aeris and blasted into her ears, "Stop SCREAMING!!!!"  
  
She stops.  
  
Reeve with his giant broccoli walks over to the coffin and yells, "Vincent, dear, time of wake uuuuuuuuuuup!" (A/N Holy shit! Reeve is in love with Vincent? Nah) The coffin door is opened with great force, smashing the broccoli into Cloud, who falls into Aeris, Who falls onto Green XIII, who falls onto Yuffie, who falls on Reeve, who, to his delight and Vincents horror, falls on Vincent.  
  
Vincent keeps smoking his marijuana as he surveys the room. Huh, he thought, (A/N this fic is much worse than the last) pot is good.  
  
Back to Cid and Reno.  
  
"AHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!!!!!" Cid laughed insanely.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked a curious bystander.  
  
"Nothing. Mind your own beeswax." Growled Cid.  
  
"Beeswax?"  
  
"Blasted stupid friggen idiots."  
  
Cid hauls Reno to his feet and follows the mob of females following "Sephie!"  
  
"Oh, Elena, my pore departed looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove!!!" wailed Reno.  
  
"shut the hell up, you Blasted stupid friggen idiot!"  
  
They fight their way through the mob until they come along a portal, which majickally spits Kuja out! Kuja raises his pinky finger to his mouth in delight while surveying the havoc.  
  
Kuja takes one look and Sephiroth, then screams and joins the throng.  
  
Sephie and Aeris (hey, oops. Just imagine there are two Aeris's at once) turn when they hear Kuja, and they both fall into love, with the same person. Guess who????????????  
  
  
  
Author's notes: Personally, I don't think this came out as good as the last chapter, and Im going to use my the 3 people who have read this to decide who. I was thinking Kuja or Elena..but... 


	3. i like to rant

So as Sephiroth and Aeris fall in love with someone, Cid struggles to hold Reno while smoking and sucking a lollipop.  
  
"Elena..please come back!"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Please!"  
  
"I said, shut up!"  
  
"Not shutting up"  
  
"Arrrggghhh!!!!" Cid exclaimed. "What's wrong with you?"  
  
Reno gets a dazed expression and Cid, severely doubting Reno's sanity, hears a "NI!" from Reno. Cid looks at Reno in amazement, then shouts  
  
"Rooby Roo!" Just like Scooby Doo!  
  
Suddenly Hojo, hearing this, jumps up and attempts to slap himself silly.  
  
"AHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA!!!!!!" he chanted crazily while trying to commit suicide (not that anyone would stop him, right?)  
  
All of a sudden, Cloud and the remaining people came in (including Barret) and when they saw Sephiroth, they all jumped into the mob and started massac-never mind. All of a sudden, Cloud used the "Wine" Materia to cast the summon "Drunken Master!!!!!!" the drunken master stumbled around the room and unfortunately blew up due to the toxic gases leaking from Hojo's eyes. BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!! Then everyone died! Really! Everyone! Except 12 people. The gang(you know who), Sephie, Elena, and Hojo (and Kuja)!  
  
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!" shouts HOjo!  
  
"SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP" exclaimes Sephiroth!  
  
"Oh Sephiroth,..come to me!!!!!!" Kuja said in the sweetest voice imaginable.  
  
"Oh Kuja.." Sephiroth replied. "YOU STOOOPID BA***RD!"  
  
"AHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWH" was Cloud's reaction.  
  
"Potpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpopotpopotpotpotpotpotpo oppooppoooppotpotpotpotpooppooptpotpotpotpopoooooooooooooooo" Vincent said form waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up there in very very high on pot land!  
  
Cid smoked a cig. Reno stopped chanting ni! And started to lay the smackdown on his own Candyass! Ahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahah!!!!!! Then Green XIII decided to hurl everone through a dimensional vortex into the underworld!!!!!!!! Then they got out because Sephoroth summoned meteor to destroy the underworld! Then they went and killed Hojo for being a bastard!!!! Then you cannot understand me because I am rambling! Hahahaha! AAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
The end of Chapter 3.141592654............or pi. 


	4. Nanaki stars

Well folks, the great and terrible Unnamed Author has come back to haunt you! Ahahahahahaha!!! *ahem* sorry.  
  
Brief Summary:  
  
Hojo got killed. And Kuja is in this FF7 ficcie. And Reno is smitten with Elena. But Elena is smitten with Sephiroth. That's all you need to know.  
  
To summarize the summary:  
  
Hojo died. Kuja! Reno love Elena. Elena like Sephie.  
  
The summarize the summarization of the summary:  
  
This fic is wacked.  
  
Finally, the fic is starting! YAY!!  
  
But wait….  
  
  
  
Lemme think….  
  
Okay got it…  
  
Once upon a time there was a twit. This twit is-oh s*** this sucks.  
  
  
  
THE REAL STORY BEGINS NOW!  
  
Red- no GREEN XIII stared at the burnt remains of HOJO! A slow smile began to curl up his snout. "Muahahahahaha……" he chuckled, before realizing that he didn't have a voice. (A/N watch the end of FF7) "What the hell?" he dubbed. "Why couldn't those damn Squared peoples gimme a voice like Kimahri's? No fair! And where are the other people?"  
  
"They are approximately 23474.2845675646373874868684 etc. feet away!" and dark and idiotic voice said.  
  
"Who the Hay-ell are you!?" Green XIII snarled, "and how can a voice be so idiotic sounding?"  
  
" *gasp* You will pay for that, you greenish-purplish-yellowish—" The sound was cut short as a new deep growling was heard. It was so horrifying, that if you heard it, you would be in Alpha Centuri right now, that's how powerfully STINKY it was.  
  
"wh-wh-who are you!?" Nanaki (yep, I changed his name) gasped. As the possessor of this growl appeared into view, Nanaki went into deep shock. His haunches stood on end, and his teeth started chattering. Horrified, Nanaki closed his eyes and braced for the end. The evil monsterswung at him and neatly changed his form from a solid to a red liquid. (my less brutal way of saying "got bloodily crushed,")  
  
"Ooh! YOU SUCK NANAKI! YOU SUCK ASS!"  
  
"Shut the –Censored—up, idiot,"  
  
"But you killed me!"  
  
"It's just a video game"  
  
The view sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowly showed onto the screen. Nanaki was sitting, using his furry hands to play his Playstation 6. (still compatible with PS1)  
  
His critic, Barret, was a avid GameDoDecaHedron fan.  
  
"You're one of THEM are you?" Barrent whispered to Nanaki.  
  
"Them? WTF do you mean?"  
  
"The Secret spies…"  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you guess?" Nanaki said stupidfied.  
  
"It's kind of obvious, like, I mean, oh, I mean, ALRIGHT I HAD NO GROUNDS FOR IT BUT I GOT IT BLOODY WELL RIGHT!"  
  
"All right, now it is Time To Transform!" Nanaki then wrote his name on a piece of paper and rearranged it. And rearranged it. And rearranged it. And rearranged it. This will take a while, so we'll take a 6-hour commercial break.  
  
USE LUNG-BUSTERS! THESE CIGS WILL HELP YOU DIE! WHO WANTS TO BE OLD ANYWAY!?  
  
(Yes that was 6-hours)  
  
"There! I finished!" Anakin shouted triumphantly! He looked over at Barret, who was sleeping.  
  
"WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!" Anakin viciously quadruple slapped Barret.  
  
"hrmmmmm……………………?........?...?.?.?.!?!??!?!?!?!?! WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?" He shrieked, shocked at seeing this little boy in the room. "AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH NANAKI!?"  
  
"You asshole, I AM Nanaki! Rearrange my name for six hours and you'll get it!" Anakin snarled with a ferocity unseen in the world, because the snarlin' kids got shot into space. Now we wait until the next chapter for Barret to work it out!  
  
A/N: I thought I was going to use other characters, but alas, It didn't turn out this way. Please R & R! 


End file.
